9 months ..... letters to our girl from Daddy and Mommy

My dear Kate,

These milestones continue to come.  It is not that we miss you more on these days, everyday we miss you my love.  The milestones just carry a calendar reminder that the days continue to go on; and on these days there seems to be a greater attention brought to remembering.  For us and for others.  And today it seemed like a celebration type of day in my heart and in my spirit.  The tears didn't flow as easily as they normally do, and the heaviness was not as great.  Today, when people texted to say how much they miss you,  I thought to myself, "of course they do ... because YOU were one amazing, precious light!".  A BEAUTIFUL child of God (and of mine :)).   We are unable to be blessed with your amazing presence here on this earth and that is what makes us ache.  

So tonight, I celebrate you.  The purity, the light, the love that is Kate Ryan Swob.  I celebrate that you are receiving all light, and all love, and all purity right where you are.  You are right where you belong even though we still long for you in our arms and in our lives sweet girl.  

You are forever part of our family precious daughter.   I love you beyond words ....
 ....to the moon and back,

Mommy 

My dearest Kate,

Happy 9 month birthday sweet daughter.  As I sat in church today, it was so very apparent that you were not with me. It hit me in the midst of a song that my arms were empty and cool as opposed to warm from a sleeping baby in my arms. The days I think of you are somewhat less now, I have to admit. When you are on my mind however, it is painful to think about your chubby little cheeks, arms and legs and you in the arms of your sisters.

As we looked through the many pictures of you tonight I am reminded of the many things I am grateful for. The chance to see you, hold you, give you your one and only bath, for Vanessa our Doula walking us through such a day, for all of the pictures that recorded every moment of that sleep deprived day and for all of the family and friends we call family that were by our side. Oh how God carried us through those moments and loved us through that time. Prayers, tears, hugs, well wishes, cards, food, food and more fantastic food, ginger bread lattes, special gifts for the girls, candles, cozy blankets, Christmas lights on our house, leaves raked, house cleaned over and over, laundry done over and over, flowers, plants (a whole garden worth), wine, great beer, ballet tickets and a painting of Jesus holding and kissing you at 6 months of age. What?!... Yes, all that and

I am sure more that I am forgetting.  We were and are so very blessed.

I/we miss you Kate Ryan. We were supposed to be crawling around on the floor together tonight, napping together while watching football, caring for you as a family, feeding you new foods and putting you in cute little outfits. The only thing that brings me any comfort and peace is knowing that I will see you again and that you are no doubt in the best hands possible. Hands that are always full of love, patience and gentleness. The hands that created you in all of your uniqueness. Hands that will one day make wrong things right, will bind up the broken hearted, free all captives, release prisoners from darkness and comfort all who mourn. Jesus can't come soon enough.... I have never looked

more forward to that day before now and am ready to go when He calls me home. Until then, we pray, cry, scream, laugh and wait.

I love you baby girl with all my heart,

daddy