I have been thinking about you so much my love. There is a shift in the atmosphere come autumn, come November. Yes, the air cools and the leaves fall, but my heart warms. My soul awakens and experiences the full weight of fall. The warmth, the awakening and the weight bring tears. I welcome them because they are my love. My love for you Kate Ryan. A friend reminded me last week that the tears aren't darkness now, they are love. Three years ago it was darkness. Today and in the days leading up to your birthday, my cry is one of missing you and of longing because there will forever be a Kate shaped hole in my heart. It will never be wholly right without you here but we have JOY my sweet girl. We have JOY because we have our hope in the reality you know with your entire being. Daddy and I sit here this morning sharing the truths of who you are and where you are. We celebrate that we are forever your mommy and daddy, AND that you are in all glory with your Jesus and with your perfect Father. I imagine, all the time, what you would be like here changing and growing as a little girl. How long your hair would be and how our family of SIX would be complete around the table at meals and riding in the van. And I imagine you there ..... living in perfect understanding and knowledge. Oh, how I long for what you have. You see all things with a purity and clarity that all of us here strive for in our own broken ways. You are WELL. PERFECT. And even though this day will never feel perfect to me, it is well. It is well with my soul as we celebrate you, Kate, turning three years old. Your birthday is a day of remembrance, of love, of longing, of pain, of celebration and of grace. I have people taking care of me today as you know. And we will celebrate you tonight with your grandparents who miss you so. Your sweet sisters want to do our balloon launch so it will be a night of pink desserts and pink balloons for YOU. How fitting that as I went out early this morning that there were pink stripes in the sky as the sun rose. You will forever be HOT PINK to us :). And you will forever be our little WARRIOR for the Lord. Sing, dance and twirl in celebration today, for you are FREE. I love you with all of my heart. I will forever treasure the hours you were in our arms and the gift of being your mommy. Nothing else compares. Nothing.
I love you to the moon and back,
Mommy
