Today I think about Mary, and how she "treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart" regarding her son, Jesus. There is mention of this at least twice in the gospel of Luke. I understand this about Mary as I think of you. The time I had with you is absolute treasure that has saturated by whole being forever. Ten months ago, I soaked in and treasured those moments we held you to the very best of my ability with my broken and devastated heart. I pondered then and I ponder now.
It is so sweet to have my mind set on you, my daughter. I still believe with everything in me that you were SO perfect. Broken in the world's eyes because your heart did not beat one time outside of my womb. Yet, I trust that your creator had EVERY single one of your days outside of my womb ordained for HIS glorious Kindgdom. And what could be more perfect than that? When I miss seeing you snuggled in your daddy's arms, I remember that the PERFECT daddy's arms hold you, and caress you, and love you. You are my little miracle .... a miracle of another world. In all of God's wisdom and majesty He knew all the power your short little life would hold. You are AMAZING!! Believing these things doesn't make me miss you one ounce less, it just reminds me of God's power, sovereignty and redeeming love. It takes away a little of the sting now as my heart heals. But oh, how we want to see you crawling all over the place and learning words. We want to rub your back and sing "Jesus loves me" over you every night. We want to know what your favorite foods would be. We want, we want, we want .......
The desire for your life on earth will never go away, but we find comfort in knowing your dwelling place. The house of the Lord, filled with his sweet presence. Breathe it in, sweet baby, as your heart beats PERFECTLY right next to His.
I love you to the moon and back,
Mommy
