These times we live in are crazy, weird, hard, sad, confusing, maddening .... the list goes on. I don't know that I have felt this vulnerable or fragile in a very long time. I feel my own weakness so clearly right now. I don't think I'm alone. We collectively know the fragility of life in a profound way. Thank you, 2020. :) While there may be some sarcasm in that statement, I have in reality been praying and attempting most days to move toward an authentic "thank you" to this year and to God for the opportunities in this unusual and disorienting time. The ways in which I feel out of control are numerous. Ways of living (or not living) are being forced upon us. The places where we do have choices ..... a good decision feels nearly impossible to make. Opinions are flying; often void of love and trust in each other's humanity. I'm watching those I love suffer and experience disappointment. Handling these things in maturity requires self awareness and dependence on God, beyond what comes naturally to me. My "go to" when things feel out of control and scary is to grasp. I grasp tightly to what I can control and even begin to try to control those around me. (as anyone who has ever been in a relationship knows, I fail every time). This leads to death inside of me and destruction around me ... nothing that I want for my life, yours or for those I love.
How? How do we find a way forward here? The words I keep hearing are surrender, humility, acceptance and compassion. May I humbly surrender to the One who IS in control as I accept my weakness and limitations. May I give grace and extend compassion to myself and others as we navigate uncharted waters. Our journeys are broken, inward and outward. The world is broken through and through. None of this brokenness surprises God, and that brings me comfort. He is not caught off guard as we are. He is not powerless, weak or unable even if we cannot see what He is doing here; and even if it seems all we are experiencing/witnessing is loss, grief, confusion and uncertainty. If I'm honest I have felt every temptation to control, judge, fix and even give up at times. But as I tune my heart to His, I am reminded who I am and that I (WE) are here to BE His heart of LOVE in this hurting and broken world. Take courage dear hearts. Let's keep our hearts open and soft as we bravely march on, knowing that we see now only in part what one day we will fully see.
