whoa

The Lord is paving a new path in my life right now.  He is in the business of doing this on our journey.   Right now, it's a pathway to know freedom and to know peace.  To know a spacious place where not only I have longed to dwell, but also where He longs for me to dwell.  That's how much He loves me....he wants the best for me and won't settle for less.  spacious. free. filled with peace. 
whoa ..... I feel really loved.

This paving feels much like a clearing.  A clearing and a purging of some old ways.  The old ways don't necessarily hinder me from living a good enough life.  But is good enough the life I want?  The life I am called to live as a Christ follower?  I don't think so.  A good enough life falls flat from the life I hear God promising us in Christ.  He wants for me a full life.  A free life.  Well ...... that takes a  surrendered life.  A life willing to actually listen to the Lord and go where He leads (however uncomfortable or "wrong" it may seem at the time).   No matter what people think.  My thoughts, ways, and desires are not bad but they are not always the best for me.  When I follow Jesus I always get the BEST. Not the easiest, but the BEST.   He goes before and lies the path of righteousness ahead of me.   His path doesn't always look like THE WAY to me .... it actually looks scary and uncomfortable most of the time. .  I don't know about you, but in my limited human understanding I haven't chosen those paths on my own.  I need His sovereign hand to guide me .... to walk me down the unknown, dimly lit paths.  His hand extends to say, "will you follow me?".  
"Please ........ come with me .......... I AM  the way."  

Movement of the Spirit causes clearing.  I have experienced three major movements in the last couple of months.  Some head to heart experiences that will leave me choosing new ways moving forward.  In what seems like impossible heartache and circumstances this is how good our God is ......

from unbelief to belief.  
My Kate Ryan had no heartbeat when we arrived at the hospital on November 17th, 2013.  I had been wrestling deeply with God, myself, and some circumstances in the months leading up to her birthday.  I was realizing how much unbelief, fear and doubt remained in my heart.  I could see God moving.  People could see God moving in me.  But I just couldn't seem to wholeheartedly believe this to be true, and to respond in faith.  I had been very stuck in some areas of my life.  When the nurse told us Kate had no heartbeat and the first thing out of my mouth was "He gives and takes away", I realized I had belief in me.  Deep calls out to deep.  I believed my God, and I acted in faith by the praise on my lips.  It shocked me.  You see, even our faith is a GIFT from Him.  He gave me that gift in the exact moment I needed it.  I would need this faith desperately in the coming days to be able to move and breath and exist.  I BELIEVED Him.

 from fear of man to fear of God.  
Through a couple of encounters with people I love deeply, God has allowed me to know what it means not to fear people.  I have lived with this tendency to put certain people on a throne of sorts.  Their position on the throne leaves me feeling unworthy and needy of their love and acceptance. It leaves me living in fear of their rejection. It ALWAYS leads to shame.
This one is just a miracle.  Literally, I thought I was going to live with this the rest of my life.... it would just be my thorn.   I am sure it will creep in and rear it's ugly head, but I know in my "knower" (as one of my favorite pastors calls it) that my acceptance is made complete in Christ ALONE.    God alone sees me fully, and names me, and calls me - I will choose to put Him on the throne and to FEAR HIM, who is so worthy of my love, honor, respect, AWE.

 from guilty to forgiven.
Not a mental knowing. But a knowing .... in my innermost being (yes, in my "knower").    This week, tears of guilt and shame were streaming down my face as I was thinking about some mistakes I have made recently,  and suddenly by the grace of God (through HIS word and my husbands voice) the tears didn't have the same sting to them.  In moments, they went from tears of shame and guilt to cleansing tears of a broken and contrite heart before a savior who has taken all my guilt upon himself.  He bore it ALL.  I was awakened to His grace, love and FORGIVENESS in a new and fresh way.  

BELIEF.....GOD FEARING......FORGIVEN.  These are works of the Spirit not of Kristi.  And where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom right?   Why do we fight so hard sometimes?  For way too long.   Is it time for the boxing gloves to come off and let the work be done?  What of our humanness needs to be surrendered in order for the holy to reside?  Not just reside, but move in and through us to transform our own hearts and also those around us.  You see, I find myself with no fight left......my humanness is so very evident to me right now.  My brokenness blaring. My weakness unable to hide.  It is here that I am finding life.  So upside down.  So Jesus.  whoa.