SISTERS

 Daddy and Maci soaking in Kate

I see in the eyes of my girls how much they miss their sister and all they had hoped for.  It is interesting to watch them both navigate this.  And if I am honest, quite often, I am not sure how they are navigating it or how to help them.  Maci is much more vocal and talks about Kate openly so it is easier with her.  Jadyn holds everything so tight to her chest.  She chooses to draw or write about Kate, which I am thankful for.  I usually find papers in her backpack or tucked away in a drawer in her room that talk about Kate.  I have to surrender the girls over and over and over.  I am trusting God to care for their hearts as he tends to ours.  Most days, I have to pray desperately for the capacity to parent them well in this season.  I pray to hear the voice of their hearts, behind their words, to be sure they are doing okay.  I am learning about the resilience of my children in this season too.  They are really amazing..... I am in awe. 

holding Jadyn close

We spent some time talking about Kate last night before bed.  Just sharing what we would want to say to her, and taking our hearts to God.  The sensitivity that they have right now is just precious.  Though I hate that their hearts ache, there is a tenderness to them that I just cherish.  Maci shared, "Oh Kate, I love you so much even though you aren't on this earth with us.  I still love you.... I do!!  And I just wish I was holding you in my arms right now."   Dave shared later that he was thinking the same thing as she was talking.  He wanted to tell Kate how he longed to see her in Maci's arms.  Our little Maci has a sensitivity to spiritual things that touches me deeply.  (that comes with it's own challenges too of course)  :)   But she has a connection to and love for Kate that brings me longing and joy all at once.  And my Jadyn ..... I have such a strong connection with her right now as she feels fully the heart of her mama.  I just sense her trying to be sure I am okay and caring for me.  Though I do not want her to take on this responsibility, I LOVE and cherish her sensitivity toward Dave and I.  We do our best not to allow her take on our pain, but it is just part of how God has wired her as a first born and as a nurturer.  I am seeing the beauty of how God has created them so vividly right now.   Another gift in the midst. 

 Jadyn's hand in mine

 *photos by Aimee Geiss*