NEXT RIGHT THING

Sometimes this life feels so crushing, so cruel, so difficult.  Sometimes it comes from external sources and sometimes it comes from ourselves, our own brokenness.  Sometimes a combination of both.   Sometimes we don't know where to run and therefore try crazy stupid things to escape the pain (of course they seem rational at the time).  And sometimes we hide..... but pain always finds us no matter how long it takes to seek us out.

And at this time in my life ........... I find myself learning a new way.  It is imperfect and I am sure I will blow it again and again, but I feel the necessary pause, the call to be still and know that He is God.  It's as if I am being shown a new way ..... really, the only way, the way that I have longed to know for a very long time.   This way is a slowing, an awareness, a seeing.  It's experiencing the moment and all it brings and choosing the NEXT RIGHT THING on this path.  Over the last few weeks people have said over and over to me how courageous I am.  It sounds absolutely crazy to me because it feels as though I have been pushed into this place and I have no choice but to walk into this new life that I really want no part of.  What is courageous about that?  But I think I am beginning to see what they see, and I think God has something huge for me here.  Courage isn't the absence of fear.  It isn't strength in and of itself.  Courage is the ability to walk into the next moment despite what I feel and do the next right thing.  It is the ability to STOP and hope and trust in the one who can walk me into that next right thing.  The only work set before me is to trust; to lean not on my own understanding, and trust that He will make my path straight.

So,  I find myself in a space where my faith is challenged.  Do I REALLY believe that he will care for me in that next moment?  That He will hold me, love me and walk me in and out of it?  Do I trust Him ..... I mean REALLY trust Him?  Trust Him to carry me through the darkest moments of my life? Trust Him to be enough to cover my mistakes when I don't choose the right thing?  Trust Him that He does have a plan and purpose for everything, that He will not abandon the works of His hands?  Trust that his love is unfailing and it cannot be shaken, or his peace be removed?   BELIEVE that all of this is true when the mountains are shaken and the hills removed, when I hurt, when I hurt others, when life feels like it has pushed me to the ground and it's weight won't allow me to stand?

Well, I stand.  Somehow I stand.  I stand because my hope is found in a savior that is enough for all of this brokenness in my life.  I am learning to walk and believe He IS everything.  My head knew this but my heart begins to know in a new way.  He is the ONLY ONE whose comfort and love will ALWAYS be sufficient.  So I have confidence to walk into the next moment because He is with me.  He is for me.  He will never leave or forsake me.   He calls me His daughter whom He loves and is well pleased.  So this is where the courage comes from.  Not from me.  But because my identity as his child is secure.  SECURITY =  HOLY CONFIDENCE = COURAGE. Courage for the next moment.  This is a life of constant worship.

I hesitate to post this without saying that there are moments and days where standing hasn't been the reality.  There have been days as recent as 3 days ago where lying flat on my back in despair was my reality.  Or where my husband finds me curled up on the floor of the closet in a ball.  Where the next right thing was just to get my kids cared for because I knew I wasn't capable of doing that well.   I am thankful for the friends/ family that can come pick up our kids, and for those that can pick up my spirit and remind me of the things that my heart and soul need to be reminded of.  Thankful for the encouragement and correction that only true love can give.  Thankful for friends that can take us back to the cross over and over again.  I am grateful today for all the special people in my life who have loved us so well in so many ways.

For today I seek His Word and His ways.... for they are a lamp for my feet and a light for my path.... so I may choose the NEXT RIGHT THING.  Even when the path feels frighteningly cold, I will walk.   I will walk in hopes that the the things that die and lie dormant now, will bring new life, new hope, and new belief.