Seven months - a letter to my girl

My dear Kate,

Yesterday marked 7 months since we met you.  SEVEN months.  That seems impossible, as I miss you just as much as I did on November 18th.  Of course, it feels less distressing and traumatic but my heart yearns the same for your presence and your LIFE.

I do believe that you are enjoying so much life, though, where you are sweet girl.  That brings such enormous comfort to my soul .... you are smiling and laughing and dancing and playing.  You are being held and adored and loved.  You are tasting the sweetness of perfection.  God's perfect kingdom.  No tears, no sadness, no pain.  You are blessed baby girl.  You never had to know the pain of brokenness, of tears, of heartache.  

I have struggled the last week or so to keep my eyes above the waves when I miss you.  I have struggled to stay afloat when I taste the bitterness of all things broken in my life.  This morning, I remember the story of Peter stepping out of the boat and, in his amazement, walking on water toward Jesus.  When Peter's eyes were on Jesus, he stayed above water.  When he took his eyes off of Jesus, and began to focus on the wind and the waves, he began to sink.  So. will. I.  If I take my eyes off of the one who holds us, I will sink.  

So, I fight today.  For you, my love, I fight.  I will fight to keep my eyes on Christ and trust that his hand will keep me above the waves.  Afloat.   That same power that kept Peter above water, will keep me.  The same power and love that came in a moment and took you into all glory, will come for me.  The kingdom you enjoy will be manifested here in the moments I choose to SEE and keep my eyes above the waves.  I will take His hand and LIVE.  

I love you so much precious girl.   I am so thankful that you understand it all.  That you grasp how deep and high and wide my love is for you.  You get it.  You have understanding that I cannot wait to obtain.  You SEE .... clearly and completely.  You are whole and healed.  My heart rejoices for you in those things.  Be loved sweet one.  Be loved by the ones tending to you now.   And know ...... you are always and forever mine.  I can't wait to have you in my arms once again.

I love you to the moon and back,
Mommy